0004 - may152007

thanks to a dear friend...

Psalm 34:18

18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Lunacy

"No one would believe I touched the moon.

You are not one who would kiss the earth. Your life is spent dancing with the stars. And you know nothing but warmth in the cradle of the sky.

Hovering over the world
giving it light upon the night
always there yet never quite.

Long have I looked upon your face, one I never thought I would recognize. Mocked by the length of day, I would whisper lullabies to the wind, begging the world to fall asleep. So that you would return and I could once again serenade you with my gaze.

Even I was caught by surprise when finally you smiled back at me. For I am one used to the stifling solitude that is my destiny. So much that I find comfort in absolute stillness and only find my way in blinding darkness. That was how I fell in love with the night and come to know you.

And so it was that with a wicked twist of fate, or maybe it was just my strange fixation with pain, that I found myself yearning for nothing but a place in the heavens with you. It is a ridiculous impossibility only a recluse of my naive tolerance for tragedy could find absolute fascination in.

I therefore cannot blame the world, even with all my malice, for not being able to undersand. For I also can never come to terms with how they can fail to stumble in the dark because of your gentle light and never give you so much as simple acknowledgement of your presence. And I want to laugh for I was at least less occupied with my shadow to look to the reason it was cast.

No one will understand. And so it is no surprise that no one will find it less easier to believe that not only did I touch the moon but that you touched me back. And you did more than just that. You enfolded me with your passion and wooed me with poetry that would humble romance itself.

But the universe is as it would, and even Mother Nature will not find it in her heart to find me a spot in the infinite sky near you. So that the only way for us to be together is for you to leave your home in the heavens. But as much as I want to spend the rest of my waking moments with the whole of your being, I can never bear the thought of tearing you away from the sky. The world will never hear a word of it but I know you're ready to return all your light to the sun because you believe in the humility of my tiny glow. Nevertheless, we choose to stick it out where we are placed--tormentingly distant from each other.We both know that the world will blame me if you do step down to earth. And just like me, it pains you more to be the cause of that suffering than to have to wait for eternity to end just watching me from afar.

And so we wept our own goodbyes. I promise to keep singing love letters to the wind hoping the breeze of my heart will reach you. And you vow to always shower me with light enough to fill the world, knowing I'm there, awake in the slumber of our fate.

So it is that the world will end and they never would believe that everything is the way they all want it to be because of our great sacrifice. No one would ever believe because no one will ever know. They would hear my soulful songs and feel the footsteps of your light among them but they will never know that you are the notes of my melodies and I'm the reason you look upon the earth.

No one will ever believe I touched the moon."

0003 - may152007

i declare today a non-lamentation day.

ei..'think i've done that every single day over the past hell-week now.
guess i wasn't quite successful. proof? hmm... i can barely open my eyes for a week, aside from my conjunctivitis which is way past its supposed healing period.

i have to congratulate my tearglands and all of its nerve-accomplices for continuously doing a great job..amidst the tired me. wish someday they would fail.. and i wish that someday would be soon...

i also would like to commend my hypothalamus..hehe if it wasn't for them.. i wouldn't be name-called emotionally unstable!

anyway..do you have any medical or even parasitological term for hurt? just holler if you do.. i'll be so glad to add 'em to my vocabulary. oh yeah before i forget..i need some saving soon...

0002 - may092007 - a few good men

meet joey bosley and two of his angels abby (left) & michi (ryt).

san ka pa makakakita ng mga taong walang sing-gulo...?!!!..BUT..

..three of those few who would guide you back to sane world.

I should've known they're my medicine.

since my nerve wrecking experience..it was just tonight that i

heard myself laughing really hard again..and somehow i had a smile on my face.

binitbit nila ako sa 'pink' na siyudad ( marikina :P )

ordered pizza, hotwings tapos sola. and i had a quick tour of

'pink city central' heheehe (well, kailngan magpababa ng kinain no?!).

but it wasn't the tour that made that night memorable.

sarap lang ng feeling... na hilahin ka mula sa kumunoy... netong mga to..

at hindi lang un...maging kabilang sa cool na cool na

circle of trust...

i learned a lot from the guy in the middle.

i was just so thankful i came to know why he was a blessing to

those two pretty girls (maniwala kau kht nktlikod yan!) beside him.

ngalang, i had to learn the hard way...

grabeh...lakas mang-asar eh hahaha!

basta mahal ko tong 3 to.. mga pre..slmat :) chka..dito lang ako sa

kabilang cubicle pag me roadtrip...

la ng iyakan...

0001 - may052007

never heard so much cursing, shouting..

lifted the handbreak, tried to wipe off tears, grabbed my
stuff, managed to open the door and bulged out with shaky knees, weakened heart, unstable gutt, and whatever's left of my flushed-away self-esteem.

at 1230 am in the middle of an almost empty parking space
with merely 2 sleepy on-duty guards i patiently stood and waited for a cab thinking real hard about the things i have done to deserve what was pretty much a ruthless experience.

I called up a bestfriend, and tried begging her to stay on line til i got a decent ride home. I felt so exhausted and humiliated and hurt--really hurt all at the same time.

Yet this was just the beginning...

never imagined how someone you so looked-up to and respected and loved would forget that sometime before he promised to take good care of me and what we had.

Before this night he took me far beyond what i ever wanted...

And tonight...he just let go.

watashi no kazoku desu...

got to spend a very quick summer with my jewels...
i had to lose my favorite lola before we even realized

the importance of spending time together...
i wish you were still with us...
i love you nay...and i miss you as much...